Okay, this one's not for the faint of heart. On the bright side, Astro, Nico, I finally looked up what yellow eyes on Zhaan mean.

Title: Survival Instincts
Fandom: Farscape
Characters: Stark, Zhaan, John, Aeryn
Time Frame: Very AU 5th season, branching off from sometime before Self Inflicted Wounds.
Spoilers: None really, except for Home on the Remains
Synopsis: Zhaan is hungry. Stark has to make a difficult decision.
Word Count: 634
Rating: R - No smut, just violence.
Warning: Specific warnings would be spoilery, but suffice to say I think this is the darkest, nasiest thing I've ever written. Gory and disturbing and icky. You've been warned.
Disclaimer: Farscape and the characters and settings therin are the property of the Henson Company, and are used here entirely without permission but entirely with respect. This is for love, not for money.
Author's Notes: Written for both the fanfic100 prompt of 013. Yellow, and farscapefriday's "Scare Me Silly" challange.

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Survival Instincts

The yellow tufts of pollen fill the air but he breathes deeply, calmly. She is too delirious to notice him, but she will. She will. He chants softly in his mind, preparing himself.

Forgive me, love. I forgive you. Forgive yourself. As you love me, you must forgive us both.

~~~

"Wait, I don't understand! She's eaten a lot more recently then the last time, she shouldn't be sprouting already! Aeryn?"

"It doesn't make sense to me, John. She's progressing exactly the same as before, but faster. I can't explain it"

"I can."

"Okay, Astro, why do I not like that tone?"

"Tell us, Stark."

"Well, as Crichton himself pointed out a weeken ago - she's eating for two."

~~~

The yellow of her eyes has long become pale feral pink. It won't be long before she stirs from her stupor. He has to be ready before then, to do what needs to be done. One life will be lost, and it pains him to contemplate it - but two will go on. He just prays she will forgive him for deciding which two.

Forgive me, love. I forgive you. Forgive yourself. As you love me, you must forgive us both.

~~~

"No, no, Astro, you can't be serious! C'mon, just a few more days, we'll get to somewhere that has food, and they'll both be fine!"

"There's no more time, John. She doesn't have the strength to support herself and the child. I can't cross her over and save the child - it's too young - but I could trigger her into re-absorbing the foetus, its energy, and guide the child's spirit over, if there is any yet. That would revive her. It's the only option besides giving her fresh killed meat at this point."

"Oh, cholak..."

"Given the options I'm sure you understand my decision."

~~~

Her fingers stretch and twitch. She's scented him. He swallows, and begins chanting aloud, unbuckling the strap to his mask. He eases it off and allows himself to spill into the room. The light falls over her form and she blinks and snarls in the glare. He notices that the light is not the bright gold it should be but a pale and sickly yellow, as her Stomas are, as her eyes were only a few arns ago. The poison in the spores is taking its toll on him. He'll have to act quickly.

He stretches his hand out to her, beckoning her closer and she moves towards him. He closes his eye and empties his mind of all thoughts but the words he's been preparing.

Forgive me, love. I forgive you. Forgive yourself. As you love me, you must forgive us both.

He is ready, and she is close enough. With a final prayer to the goddess, he plunges the ceremonial dagger into his throat. He gives an involuntary grunt, but he's prepared himself well. There is no pain. He reaches a bloody hand out to her.

"Take. Eat. This meat is freely given. Grow strong and raise our child with love." He knows she can't understand him now, but she'll remember, and he prays it will be enough.

Forgive me, love. I forgive you. Forgive yourself. As you love me, you must forgive us both.

~~~

"I understand, Stark. I'm a mother myself."

"God help me, Astro, so do I. I wish there was another way."

"There isn't. Goodbye, my friends. Think of me, and take care of my family."

~~~

The last sound he hears is the snapping of his own ribs, sharp and loud in his ears. The yellow glow reflected on her face dims and goes out, and then he hears nothing, sees nothing.

Forgive me, love. I forgive you. Forgive yourself. As you love me, you must forgive us both.

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Uhm, yeah. Granted, this idea sorta came from one Astro put forward in The Savage, but with (if I do say so myself) a much nastier twist. Happy Halloween, ladies.

Back to my BIG DAMN TABLE